Digging for Diamonds
by Atopos
Summary: Kakuzu always makes Hidan do the dirty work, especially if it makes him richer. Sometimes the work i just a little degrading. Warning for Hidan's language of course .


Atopos - This idea sprang on me while watching a movie on cavemen and thinking about The Simpsons (fans of the show should know the episode this came from). I know I said that I would be sticking with Tsubasa for awhile, but I still love the Akatsuki.

This is a humour, so hopefully some find it funny. I own nothing. R&R. And enjoy

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Digging for Diamonds

Hidan sat on the ground, sitting on his knees which were covered by his black cloak – at least – and his nails were digging into the dirt as swear words turned into sentences turned into curses at his partner.

No, they weren't doing anything dirty (unless you counted digging into the ground with a tiny spade as dirty). Dirty (as in sexual) Hidan could understand. They were doing something downright degrading.

Again, no, they weren't doing anything sexual.

They were digging.

For gold.

And diamonds.

And it wasn't 'they', it was just Hidan doing the work.

Because some moron had been smart enough to tell Kakuzu that there could be gold and diamonds near the hideout. So what did Kakuzu do?

Yup, that's right: send Hidan out digging with the smallest shovel (Zetsu had called it a spade, but Hidan didn't give a fuck) that Hidan had ever seen.

And he felt used.

It wasn't like Hidan couldn't leave and tell Kakuzu to do it himself. Oh no, that would be far too easy. Kakuzu had threatened him. And not with physical pain, either. It was more of a mental pain. The pain of listening to Deidara's temper-tantrum – a tantrum that could rival one of Hidan's even on his bitchiest of days – because Deidara was also pissed off and needed someone to vent his frustration out on.

That would be Hidan because Kakuzu said so.

And Kakuzu was not only an older member in the Akatsuki, but also a bastard.

So Hidan dug, and stabbed at the dirt, and cursed the dirt, and prayed that he would eventually dig his way to hell so he could throw Kakuzu in and bury him alive.

Or so he could dig a deep enough hole so he could hide.

But Kakuzu watched, and muttered to himself, and stared at the map of the surrounding villages in his hands, and made sure Hidan did all the dirty work.

"Fuck! This sucks ass!" Hidan threw the spade to the side. It fell tip first into the dirt and waved back and forth just a bit. Hidan watched it, thinking that if the earth was a human body, then that spade could…

"Quit your whining before I chop your hands off." Kakuzu growled back, never taking his eyes off his map.

"Oh, would you," Hidan pleaded sarcastically. "Please do that." He raised his voice to his normal arguing level. "That way I would have a fucking excuse to not do this fucking stupid work!"

Kakuzu looked over the top of the map. "Why must you make things so difficult?"

Hidan's eyes flickered dangerously. "Why? Why! Are you fucking serious! This is the dumbest fucking thing you've ever made me do!"

"Just get back to work." Kakuzu returned to his map and pointed to where Hidan had been digging. "I'll let you stop when it's dark out."

Hidan muttered something about ungrateful assholes, but got down on the ground nonetheless. Maybe with some pressure, he could stab that spade right through his heart.

So he kept digging, and kept digging, and kept digging…

And found a something shiny.

He picked it up and shouted, "Hey asswipe, I think I fucking found something!" He tossed the little shiny object over to his partner, who caught it with one hand. "Do you think it's worth something?"

Kakuzu studied it for a moment before tossing it over his shoulder. "Only if people pay a lot of money for candy wrappers."

Hidan sighed, pushing some violent gestures, graphic violence, and more swearing down (he wanted to get out of this without causing too much of scene or at least without Kakuzu finding a way of killing him).

"Kakuzu? Why the fuck do you have to make every-fucking-thing fucking difficult?"

And Kakuzu retaliated by kindly shoving the spade through Hidan's throat.

At least it was quiet afterwards.

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- Atopos


End file.
